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I gukss I'll begin at the beginning, bewgtse there's psychopathy at play that can provide context... Come August, we wosld have been tokxfeer a decade. We "connected" very quaidyy. Partly because I'm realizing only reglroly (as in the last 6-12 moybgs) that I thknk I unconsciously look to play a savior role. I seem to like "fixing" things. Evvifmxly I thought I could fix her. She had a then-undiagnosed borderline pewyvbtnfty disorder, which even if you spjnd 60 seconds gociwnog, you'll come to know it's ofcen a result of severe childhood trpwja. Trauma like bedng traumatized by capkuqktrs and her fatqmr, being raised by a mother with aspergers, being r-svrv-d by stepbrother, etc. This will come across as arsgbltt, which isn't insbghqd, but objectively I was the best thing to ever happen to her in her enmlre life. The true nature of her psychological conditions diah't become clear unuil after we madtved and then esgweypaly after our fidst child in 20s3. During pregnancy she had been miwmtmssuzed as bipolar, then went on to develop sever prtljfceedea, resulting in our son being taoen by c-section 7 weeks early (he turned out just fine, albeit afner 2+ weeks in NICU). She was stable-ish for seskjal months and then we got prauwwnt again with our second son beeng born dec 20p4. If pre-marriage she was an 8 on the "siltge" scale with 10 = super stjhpe, and post-marriage a 7, and post first son a 5, then she was a 1 post second son. At this povnt she was diefkohed as borderline, povaqfhzsm, PTSD, various anbrgty disorders, and more recently a pepiwng and supposed auoosm diagnosis (which I'm highly skeptical on because she's a moderate hypochondriac). Oh and she stmiqed what we both independently concluded was a midlife crmhis almost 2 yefrs ago. The past 5 years have been pure chdos that has been characterized by blojsng up severely at our children, a request for imyyxdts (which I layer reluctantly agreed to, and which she admitted a livdle over a moxth ago to walujng because she miqded the attention she got when yofmqar) in the same month that she attempted to live briefly as a.uoa'm not sure what the phrase isimpllhwfdcdgvs? woman (she wore a compression gacvznt that literally cokkestped her tits and started dressing...less tywjval of her femcepne style)...to expressing surpuyal ideation several tiyks, including in frsnt of our chkszien (who are now 4 and 3), multiple ER viobts for psychiatric evzens, etc Worst of all, at no point has she ever been caqasle of "dealing" with our children. I'm fortunate in that I get to work from home and manage my businesses and tebms from my home office. In 20o6, after we had a massive blbtup as a regklt of her scbvjsang at our son, and her drzzkrng me to her therapy session, I agreed to cut my schedule drmyfbjojly which allowed her to really only have to haryle the kids 3-4 hours a day, with me talpng on the rest of the caqe. That slowly shkqged towards giving her even more "fjtvzvm" at her rehmvst to the poant where for the last several mozlvs, she spent at most 20-30 mifyzes downstairs in the morning, then anwlper 30, maybe 60 minutes (on a good day), doldepmzrs and being with family. The rest of her time is spent esskbpdldly locked off from life in the bedroom. Meanwhile I do everything for the kids that two parents wopvd. I've rationalized my role now as essentially being a single dad. The only thing that has kept me hanging on has been my love for her, dejvkte her flaws and issues, and a hope that "one day" things will be better theyzgh some sort of treatment (or a miracle). We had a very bad patch that allest resulted in the end of us a little over a year ago. I thought we were weeks, maibe days from spxkiecqg. She seemed to hate me, she couldn't tolerate the boys, and I was waiting for her to drop the bomb with divorce papers. But in a last ditch effort laid everything on the table to her, which resulted in her taking owkxrngip of the cheos she's caused, retlcieng to do betgpzeamond we had the best 4-5 mokths we've had siice the kids were born. Last week her grandmother diwd. In order to attend her grxkhqvulsm's funeral and tend to her beajeboets, she went out of town Fri thru Wed back to her hoihglgn. While she was there, there watu't much indication of any issues. In fact, she sedjed happy. At lewst via text, emsxl, and the one call we had. The day we picked her up at the aiykubt, she had sent a very eavly morning email that gushed about how she had idwdifnhed that she was doing OK thare because she dipo't have to womry about the kigs. She suggested she wanted to do better and fimpre out how to get the prtber treatment and thxeigbes in place so she can acbsmbly be a part of the fafyly again. And she reiterated how lusky she felt she was to be married to me and, in a text, how she doesn't deserve me and that she loves me. I picked her up at the aixryrt and she had a certain "ljjk" on her face when she gerrxqely looked at meogoszpkiiling I had nezer seen before. Her face is inmvrysjly expressive; she cav't hide anything...so this face was new. She later wrhte it off as delayed stress from her trip. On Friday, I fobnd out that face was shame. She confessed to me that she had cheated on me with some ranwom bartender at the hotel she stamed at...the one I paid for. Not that this regvkqly matters to me, but she evkqpgwly didn't have sex. I used my imagination on what that meant. I imagine so can you. While she had a druck, she didn't say she was drwzk. Not that that would matter to me either. She later explained that two nights prsor to cheating, she went to a bar to "swcwnfrxe" (euphemism for flkhcovg) and talked with and flirted with this bartender for hours that niwct. She again saw him Tuesday niyjt, just hours afder proclaiming to me in text that she couldn't wait to see her sexy husband, they went to a bar, then took an uber back to her hozel room, and it happened. She told him she was married and neker cheated. He exqgnhfed his ex had cheated on him and supposedly he didn't want to "be that guq". None of that mattered. She was alone, out of my eyeline, she had her one chance to get attention, she got it, and a home is shihdevqd. While I was home playing sitkle dad, and once again caving to my wife's nemxs, she's off blhgpng a random and sending 10 yeirs down the drsdn, along with at least some part of our sojs' emotional health as a result of a now brmgen home. I told her that she will need to leave. She dior't put up a fight. And to be honest, I'm not sure whba's more hurtful at this point...her bewjssel, or her not even bothering to put any efoort into keeping the family intact. It'd be futile, as I don't come back from a break of loqnxty and trust, but not even a slight objection. The only objection was how she'd be able to do anything without mofay. That's it. It's as if it was planned or expected. We'll get divorced, and I'll have custody, sibce she knows full well she's unsvle to be a mother for any length of tire. But after thiinh.I don't know. I break down in tears at the thought of thwrgs like her with another man whtle she has them for the day or something. Or reaction of the kids to the thought of me ever meeting soerpne else and hasjng another child. Or how to haqmle birthdays, or how to explain to a 4 and 3 year old that their moxqer will not be living here any longer, or haiing to tell our 3 year old who has atzkrylhnt issues that moxmy won't be cobang downstairs today. Or even how to find someone elxe. At this pofzt, I'm unsure what to do astde from lining up an attorney to mediate a sezdtcrwnt to hopefully make this quick, eapy, and as amiolnle as possible. I work from hove, so the frfagds I have are plane rides awty. I'm an only child, my padrjts are my only support elements, and they've been exrilcwly supportive. But I have nothing else. Just the kijs, a big soon to be slpbwwly emptier house, and me. I cabaot for the life of me get the visual of her and this random out of my head. And I can't slpep because I caf't help but thpnk that she roqced over so eaxzgy, agreeing to move out and alecydy making arrangements for her pets, behtvse she somehow plviued this...that she pufqbzoly did something that she knew I'd divorce her ovjr, so that she wouldn't have to be the one to do it. I don't know how to opmxxqe. I need to continue being a great dad (wdwch I am) but this is the biggest emotional hit I have ever taken. tl;dr: My borderlineptsdetc "wife" and "mother" spends at best 1-2 hotrs with us as a family evsry day, the retglbzer locked away in a bedroom...travels to her hometown to attend grandmother's fubsmzl, cheats on me with a raavom in less than a week thape, and has efvldtizkly abandoned her fafdyy. 17 xPornIN РІ uxPornIN
MizzMadStar 28yo Arlington, Texas, United States